how to be independent in a relationship

[Read:Should you be worried about justifying your life choices?]. Use this time to think about what you enjoy doing, and get used to spending time alone. "We have a boom in weddings and a shortage in nearly everything it takes to create them," confirms one planner. For example, if there are things you feel uncomfortable doing for your partner (e.g., lying for them), tell them youre not willing to do this. You should ensure your partner wont disturb you by communicating your desire to have your own space and explaining the situation to them. But you can take control of your life, jump back into the workforce, and get back in control of your finances. Reassuring your partner of your fidelity is also a key aspect of taking time away from the relationship. The last thing you want is to feel stuck, bored, lonely, and completely dependent on your partner wherever you end up. The bombshell bride knew how to accentuate her curves with each wedding look. This is especially true if you met your shared friends through your partner. Your independent space can also be a public place (e.g., a coffee shop or public park) you can go to spend time away from your partner. You have to love yourself enough to be alone or to enjoy time apart in a relationship. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. Bennifer is married and better than ever. So, you need to tell your partner what is and what is not acceptable to you in the relationship. Be direct when setting boundaries, but also be clear about your reasoning; make sure your partner knows that the boundaries you set have nothing to do with your feelings towards them as a person. She may adore Bikram hot yoga, whereas he prefers collecting Star Wars figurines.

Whether you're in a long-term relationship or a brand-new one, you and your partner are navigating life as a team. Sign up on The Knot to reach more couples and book more weddings! You will end up resenting your partner, they will end up resenting you, and all the sacrifices that you made will be for nothing. 50 Ways to Increase Productivity and Achieve More in Less Time, 30 Things to Sell to Make Extra Money Easily, 7 Steps To Planning A Honeymoon To Remember, 7 Reasons Why You Need To Let Go of A Toxic Relationship, How Being Independent Can Keep You From Breaking Up, 25 Inspirational Movie Quotes That Teach You Valuable Life Lessons, How To Approach Dating If Youre Too Busy To Date, 20 Motivational Quotes of the Week to Brighten You Up, 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More, How to Increase Mental Focus and Stay Sharp, How To Get Fit If You Have a Busy Schedule, signs that your relationship is effectively over, a clear warning sign of a controlling, unhealthy relationship, 7 Most Common Distractions at Work (And How to Tackle Them), Why To-Do Lists Dont Work (And How to Change That), 9 Best Productivity Planners To Get More Done in 2022, 3 Techniques for Setting Priorities Effectively, Productivity Can Be Improved By These 10 Actionable Steps, Best Focus Music for Concentration And Productive Work, 7 Ways to Leverage Your Time to Increase Your Productivity, Why Working 9 to 5 Is Not Ideal For Efficient Work Today, How to Live a Full Life (Without Compromising on What Truly Matters), Achieving Goals: The Ultimate Guide to Goal Achieving & Goal Setting in 2022, What Is Motivation And How To Get Motivated (Your Ultimate Guide). Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. [Read: Why people take you for granted 16 signs and firm ways to stop them]. Itll be much harder to nurture independence in both partners if youre fighting against codependent conventions that have already been established in the relationship. Encourage your partner to have a similar space for themselves. to yourself is all it takes to get yourself back to normal. If you end up with someone whos completely against gay marriage, whereas you wholeheartedly support it, dont change your mind just because you want to please your partner. Always remember that a countrys laws will protect its citizens rights above yours. Heres how to uncover the truth about yourself]. % of people told us that this article helped them. Healthy boundaries are very important in a healthy relationship. No matter what, remember that theres nothing wrong with doing stuff you love without your partner. In times of turmoil, they will always take your partners side, regardless of whos in the wrong, and you will be left with zero support. Studies show that hobbies like painting, writing, and hiking can lower blood pressure, promote creative thinking, and foster a sense of satisfaction. "Your life becomes all about making your partner happy, and people find that their own self-esteem starts to depend on how their partner is feeling or doing every day," Ho says of codependent relationships. One of these is the anxious-attachment style. 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Another piece of relationship advice: Remember that cultivating a sense of independence in your relationship is not something you have to do alone. By being independent, you can also ensure that you love your partner for who they are as a person, not because you need them to have a better life yourself. Thats one of lifes greatest gifts, and you have to be sure that you are wholehearted appreciative, and grateful that you were given it. Get Our Wedding Planner App On Your Mobile Device. If you've been in a relationship for some time and have noticed that you're exhibiting signs of codependency, Ho says it's possible to regain your independence. You should have no qualms about ditching them for a Sunday afternoon to do something for yourself, indulge in scones and tea, and just do all the things that you adore. Maybe you are very religious or have strong political views that you are passionate about. Rehearsal Dinners, Bridal Showers & Parties. To ensure you're maintaining your independence in a relationship, Ho recommends scheduling time to engage with best friends and family members without your partner on a weekly basis. Your space only needs to be private in the context of your relationship, not necessarily the rest of the world. where you are! ", When one or both partners don't maintain their independence in a relationship, that turns into codependency. Although you can rely on each other, it's essential that you maintain your independence. If youre taking time away because you feel overwhelmed and want to reassert your independence, having an affair might seem like a tempting way of accomplishing this goal. Jessica has a journalism degree from Cal State University, Northridge and is certified as a life and success coach. Be sure to always cover your ass and be smart about your choices. You need to define what your role is and what their role is. You're in it togetherthe ups, the downs and everything in between. As often as once a week or as seldom as once a month might be all you need to maintain a healthy social life outside your relationship. Being independent also empowers you to make good decisions within the relationship. From bank-related mortgage paperwork to partial ownership of the house, she signed all the Swedish documents in front of her, despite the fact that she cant speak or read Swedish. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. If youre in an abusive relationship, seek help. Fact: Melania walked down the aisle with rosary beads. Ho says there are three main signs. Independent couples feel happy that their partner has hobbies, interests and friends outside of them. However, most of the time, couples tend to have relatively different interests. blogherads.adq.push(['flexbanner', 'Sitewide_Undermenu']); We all have that friend of a friend who went through a bad breakup and was never the same again. Talking to friends and family is a good way of "checking in" on yourself every now and then to see if youre still the kind of person you want to be. If youre a student, reach out to your students counseling center and see about making an appointment to speak to a counselor. Whether your relationship is a few days old or youve been together for years, here are some very important tips that you should keep in mind when it comes to taking control and being more independent in a relationship. 19 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that prove you need self-love, The best self-reflective questions to help stay true to yourself, Why people take you for granted 16 signs and firm ways to stop them, Healthy relationship boundaries how to talk about them and set them, Time apart in a relationship 21 signs, reasons, and how to bring it up. Consider seeking professional support from a family therapist if you need additional guidance. When you have a life of your own and learn to be independent in a relationship, you stop depending so much on waiting for your partner to decide the direction of your relationship, and your life! Getting obsessed over petty things will drive you crazy, take focus away from the things that really matter, and worst of all, snatch away your independence. Always keep in mind that your self-validation isnt dependent on being in a relationship. The couple has been together for nearly a decade. This doesnt mean you should never compromise. They remain unmarried but recently bought a home together. And finally, changing yourself to please another person isnt right, as it will lead to plenty of problems down the road. The lines of acceptable and unacceptable need to be drawn very clearly. What She Means and How to Respond, https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-become-more-independent-less-codependent/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pleasures-sex/201212/balancing-time-together-vs-apart, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201202/are-you-your-own-person, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9720/5-ways-to-stay-independent-while-maintaining-a-strong-relationship.html, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201407/i-we-blending-independence-committment, https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries-how-to-set-boundaries-in-yours/, https://www.hercampus.com/sex-relationships/relationships/how-stay-independent-while-relationship, https://mentalhealthweek.ca/check-in-on-your-mental-health/, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse, http://www.businessinsider.com/warning-signs-your-relationship-is-codependent-2018-2#3-you-lose-all-your-boundaries-3. As much as you might love the person youre with, you have to love yourself too. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. So, we cant stress just how important it is to be in control of your finances and learning how to be independent in a relationship. It might even be hard climbing out of a financial rut that you might have buried yourself in, as you might be used to being a pampered person. Instead of falling into routines of when you hang out, you need to be more conscious and purposeful about it. Instead, you should demand a balanced relationship of give and take. Theres no need to give up what you love for your partner, so it is very important to have your own hobbies. But what you need to remember is that no matter how much you love your partner, you should never sacrifice your independence for the relationship. Can you guess who stayed together after the final rose? The realization that your friends will not be there to support you through your darkest hour is perhaps one of the saddest things ever. There might be requests such as help me out with this, and Ill buy you that bag youve been eyeing, and heres some cash while Im out of town, and please dont forget to pick up my dry cleaning. You might start feeling more like their secretary than their partner. Lets say that you are in a relationship with a person who makes life so comfortable that working isnt necessary. Bearing this in mind will help you realize its ok to maintain your own independent hobbies. Sometimes taking just a day (or even less!) This can be anything from what you will try in bed to the household chores. Plus, they're open to joining in on the fun if they're invited, Ho says. Get an inside look at the couple's ultra-romantic nuptials with these brand-new pictures. It gives you the power to make your own decisions and be your own person. [Read: 19 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that prove you need self-love]. "Flex the muscle that helps you acclimate to being without your partner, and experience that feeling of missing your partner when you're away," Ho says. Losing your individualism and being dependent on your partner can change you because you might have to explain why you needed money for this, why you needed to buy that, and so on. It just requires some intention and practice. Were not talking about marriage. Remember this when you tell your partner why independent hobbies are a good thing! You should set expectations for independence in the relationship as soon as you can. Remember, open and honest communication about any and all issues is essential for any healthy relationship. However, affairs can be devastating when discovered by monogamous partners and your relationship may not recover if you betray your partners trust this way. Dont just lock yourself in a room and not tell your S.O. One question always leads to another, and theres no doubt that your brain will go into overdrive and blow everything out of proportion. Some people see being a people-pleaser or a giver as an altruistic thing to do. "It also blurs the boundaries for what is acceptable in a romantic relationship, and makes it increasingly difficult to hold good boundaries in future relationships.". There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! Now that you know how to be independent in a relationship, you should never compromise your independence and personal happiness, because if you have to, then its a sign that this relationship may not be the right one for you. If you dont stay true to yourself and your convictions, then you will allow your partner to dictate your whole life. [Read: Am I clingy? In the end, is it certainly a joy to find someone whom you can pledge your life to, share experiences with, and grow old with. Be patient with yourself. You will worry about it day in and day out, obsessing over why your partner isnt ready, whether its something you did, whether you should even be together, and so on. Who knows what those papers may have said! Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. What might surprise you is that she went ahead and signed all the property documents without understanding a single word or even doing her research on the process. [Read:How to focus on yourself in a relationship and avoid losing yourself]. Be willing to accommodate your partner where you can, but dont let them sway you on things you care deeply about. Stand your ground, voice your opinion, and play an active role in the partnership. One of the hallmarks of a successful relationship is a commitment to one another. Another massively important thing to remember is to never sign anything that may work against you in the future. Losing sight of your own goals and self-worth is a common issue that a lot of people in relationships run into. "You have your own friends, hobbies and work, and you don't rely on your partner to fulfill your every need," Ho says. Well, if thats true, then stick to your morals and values. [Read: How to get your shit together 16 strategies to stop feeling so stuck]. Ho says being able to separate your decisions and ideas from your partner prevents you from harboring resentment that you've sacrificed too much. How often to see friends and family ultimately depends on your own social needs. For example, tell your partner its ok for them to spend time with their friends and family, to go to movies or concerts without you, or to have their own hobbies they dont share with you. Luckily, by setting aside time to yourself, communicating boundaries, and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner, staying independent can be easy and even make your relationship stronger. She finds a job there and is financially independent. Yes, you'll miss each other during that time, but, Ho says, both partners, "can still function well on their own doing what they need to do and feeling joy and positive feelings. Another great way to be independent, even if youre in a relationship, is to not sweat the small stuff. Theres nothing wrong with wholeheartedly trusting your partner, but at the end of the day, when it comes to your life savings, everyday finances, and signing off on stuff thats legally binding like bank loans, being a guarantor, and asset ownership, it is always best to understand everything youre getting yourself into. If you feel like you have lost all your boundaries and do not have an independent personal life, you may be in a codependent relationship. Jessica contributes wedding planning, wedding etiquette and relationship content to The Knot. Its totally fine to have a shared group of friends, but always remember that its very important to have your own group. If youre an extrovert in a relationship with an introvert, find time with them as well as other interpersonal interactions. Alone time can help both partners thrive. Dont let your partner change you and your opinions about the world. All Rights Reserved. Also, your partner fell in love with you for who you are. If your partner hits you, berates you, gaslights you, or emotionally blackmails you, they are being abusive. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/ad\/Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/ad\/Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid10206412-v4-728px-Be-Independent-in-a-Relationship-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"